by ada

Today I wore skirt with bare legs for the first time this year. Not a day too early. I spent three years in Holland where people start wearing flip-flops and spaghetti tops from 2. January on, so I’m sort of used to the idea of going outside in clothes that don’t fit the weather. Luckily we have really nice warm days lately.

Vanity is definitely not on the (otherwise frighteningly long) list of my faults and personality imperfections, but I can’t help noticing that I have never looked so weird as I did during these past six months of depression. It’s not only that I’m visiting public places in pajamas, which is bad enough; but, because I left all my belongings in Holland, in the lack of my own clothes I’m forced to wear things from my sister and my mother, neither of them are my size; or strange old robes I left at home before moving abroad almost a decade ago. Unfortunately, I’m also not my own nine-year-younger-self size anymore, and this makes these clothes just more awful to wear.

Sometimes I’m really thankful for my Catholic past. It taught me not to care too much about my looks, which is a practical attitude for the recovery phase of depression.

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