year that trembled and reel’d beneath me

by ada

I have mixed feelings towards 2012. I didn’t reach any of my goals (like getting back to my real life or getting rid of this whole depression issue), so it was sort of a fail. On the other hand, the pure facts are, that I started the year with being told by psychiatrists that taking SSRI’s is my only way to survive; and ended it with watching the fireworks in one of the most romantic cities in the world. I definitely see a certain progress in my way through 2012, even if it wasn’t the kind of progress I hoped to achieve.

That’s why I decided to have no New Year Plans for 2013. Life happens, regardless of our hopes and plans and dreams. That’s definitely a lesson I learnt in 2012. I will take this year as it comes (not that I have another possibility, haha) and we will see, where its last day will find me.

And after this short lesson on fatalism, a brief summary of my year:

In January I started this project with the purpose of taking my clinical depression under control. I also drank a lot of coffee with my friend Ancsangyalka with the same purpose, walked the streets of Budapest and listened to Roger Scruton lecturing on music, meaning and morality.


In February I took some photos of the Danube, felt sick from the depression, had no clothes to wear and visited a lot of doctors.


In March I behaved like a good Hungarian, met the Easter Bunny and visited the snowdrop fields of the arboretum of Alcsút. Poor Cat got a tumour removed.


In April I dyed some Easter eggs with mixed result, took part in the March of the Living Budapest, travelled twice to Vienna to get permissions and moved to Salzburg.


In May I learnt how to put up a May Tree, saw a lot of handsome, young men in uniform and worked a lot. Móricka travelled the world.


In June I worked and worked (and worked and worked and…), bought some things I badly needed and finally spent some days in The Netherlands.


In July I felt irritated by my job and sat by the Salzach a lot; took some walks in Salzburg while discovering some of the dirty secrets of the city, and welcomed Móricka back from his world trip.


In August I was continually listening to operas, spent a day in Graz, moved in my new service appartement and hosted Móricka for a few days in Salzburg.


In September I got sick. Regardless of it I spent a day in Linz, worked an enormous amount and travelled to Budapest.


In October I visited a lot of museums, the lake of Traunsee and the waterfall of Liechtensteinklamm. The first snow also arrived.


In November I travelled to Prague, attended a fancy nursing ball, spent a few days at home and was forced to do some crafting at my workplace.


In December my father got sick and I paused this project for almost 3 weeks. Móricka turned 1 year old, I tried my best not to miss Christmas completely and finally went back to Salzburg where I spent even the last day of the year at my workplace.


4 Comments to “year that trembled and reel’d beneath me”

  1. Making resolutions is tough. Why should we focus on a compiled, “Things to Do / Not to Do,” list? That is extremely overwhelming to transition into the next year with predetermination on how it should be carried out. I completely agree with you. Just live life to the fullest each day, one heart beat at a time. Do little things with greater impact on your life. Treat yourself better before worrying about others. Don’t ever worry about others and how they feel. You come first! Would you have a depressed psychologist help you out with your depression? Precisely. Give yourself some time to relax and enjoy the day. Don’t sweat the small stuff. As long as you focus on healthier habits that are much easier to do with significant results on your self esteem and self identity, you will be a much better person than before. Great pictures! I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors of 2013. Take care.

  2. Oh bravo – you have made a great dish out of the year’s ingredients.

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