you know how it is with an April day

by ada

Well, you sure know. They are short. Especially when they consist of 12 hours of work and 2 hours of public transportation. I do my best to use those commuting hours for literary purposes but I’m just an ordinary human being without any superpowers. My brain does not perform on a very high level at 5.45 am.

Starting the day at 5 am is definitely not the same as starting it at 6 am. This one short hour makes all the difference. I am now miserable 90% of the time and only daydreaming about quitting my job gives me any pleasure.* Sleep withdrawal is a very powerful tool of torture.

* I have this bad habit of quitting jobs very quickly if they make me feel unhappy**

** since I feel unhappy all the time, regardless of what’s going on in my life, it actually does not matter the least bit wether I quit my job or not. I guess the only solution would be to quit life itself. Fortunately (unfortunately?!) I have never been suicidal, not even during my worst times. I’m actually horribly afraid of dying. I guess it’s just a natural side effect of my job; eight years of watching people die, then dumping their bodies in plastic bags*** did not really help to manage my intrinsic depression but it really made me worship life regardless of its quality.

*** the daily chores of a nurse. Just in case you wanted to know what I’m actually doing during those 12 hours. An emotionally rewarding job, isn’t it?****

**** sorry for being sarcastic. I’m just not the crying kind.

Well. At least April was full of contained traces of Paasilinna whom I love deeply so I guess I’d better stop whining.

april books

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: