Archive for ‘project 365’

January 11, 2013

the Prague memories – randoms, part 2

by ada

It’s my last backward post of Prague. Since the purpose of my now finished* and closed project 365 was to help me notice, how awesome my life is right now, I always tried to keep this blog as strictly real-time, as possible. I just had so many photos of Prague that reminded me of so many nice moments, that I didn’t want them to get lost in the dark depths of my hard disk.

* on day 248  348, ehem

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January 1, 2013

year that trembled and reel’d beneath me

by ada

I have mixed feelings towards 2012. I didn’t reach any of my goals (like getting back to my real life or getting rid of this whole depression issue), so it was sort of a fail. On the other hand, the pure facts are, that I started the year with being told by psychiatrists that taking SSRI’s is my only way to survive; and ended it with watching the fireworks in one of the most romantic cities in the world. I definitely see a certain progress in my way through 2012, even if it wasn’t the kind of progress I hoped to achieve.

That’s why I decided to have no New Year Plans for 2013. Life happens, regardless of our hopes and plans and dreams. That’s definitely a lesson I learnt in 2012. I will take this year as it comes (not that I have another possibility, haha) and we will see, where its last day will find me.

And after this short lesson on fatalism, a brief summary of my year:

In January I started this project with the purpose of taking my clinical depression under control. I also drank a lot of coffee with my friend Ancsangyalka with the same purpose, walked the streets of Budapest and listened to Roger Scruton lecturing on music, meaning and morality.

january

In February I took some photos of the Danube, felt sick from the depression, had no clothes to wear and visited a lot of doctors.

february

In March I behaved like a good Hungarian, met the Easter Bunny and visited the snowdrop fields of the arboretum of Alcsút. Poor Cat got a tumour removed.

march

In April I dyed some Easter eggs with mixed result, took part in the March of the Living Budapest, travelled twice to Vienna to get permissions and moved to Salzburg.

april

In May I learnt how to put up a May Tree, saw a lot of handsome, young men in uniform and worked a lot. Móricka travelled the world.

may

In June I worked and worked (and worked and worked and…), bought some things I badly needed and finally spent some days in The Netherlands.

june

In July I felt irritated by my job and sat by the Salzach a lot; took some walks in Salzburg while discovering some of the dirty secrets of the city, and welcomed Móricka back from his world trip.

july

In August I was continually listening to operas, spent a day in Graz, moved in my new service appartement and hosted Móricka for a few days in Salzburg.

August

In September I got sick. Regardless of it I spent a day in Linz, worked an enormous amount and travelled to Budapest.

september

In October I visited a lot of museums, the lake of Traunsee and the waterfall of Liechtensteinklamm. The first snow also arrived.

october

In November I travelled to Prague, attended a fancy nursing ball, spent a few days at home and was forced to do some crafting at my workplace.

november

In December my father got sick and I paused this project for almost 3 weeks. Móricka turned 1 year old, I tried my best not to miss Christmas completely and finally went back to Salzburg where I spent even the last day of the year at my workplace.

 december

December 31, 2012

365/348

by ada

I spent the last day of 2012 with working thirteen hours, and exactly so will I spend the first day of 2013. The new year doesn’t seem to bring a significant change in my lifestyle.

Sorry for the even-poorer-than-usual quality of the photo – I made it with my phone while drinking champagne.

348

December 30, 2012

365/347

by ada

The last of Christmas in Salzburg.

347

December 30, 2012

365/346

by ada

I don’t know how did I deserve it but I had three extremely relatively nice and peaceful night shifts in a row.* That’s what I call an unearned present.

So I will now put my feet up for an hour, drink a coffee, listen to this song and imagine that I’m there.

* well, so far, at least. I still have 5 hours to go until the end of my shift and in this business of nursing you never know what is yet to come.

346

December 29, 2012

365/345

by ada

I haven’t done night shifts in the last eight years so I totally forgot how nice the feeling is when you are alone in the middle of the night, everybody is well and asleep, peace guides the planet and love steers the stars.

P.S.: I didn’t even finish writing down this sentence when the ambulance team of the Red Cross unexpectedly showed up at the door, exactly at 1.30 am. That’s also a feeling I totally forgot.

345

December 29, 2012

365/344

by ada

I started the day at my father’s hospital, asking doctors rhetorical questions like where do you think we are, in the film The Cuckoo’s Nest?*; continued running amok to catch my train, travelled six hours back to Salzburg and arrived with an only 30 minutes delay to my twelve-hours-long night-shift. This is my personally developed guide on how to live on 24 hours a day.

* no, it’s not a psychiatry ward for ordinary criminals but it could easily be mistaken for it if it comes to the attitude of the personal. Their main policy is: your patient is your enemy. My relationship with them is now the following: I hate them and they hate me. I spent the last 10 days with throwing tantrums daily and accusing nurses and doctors with dilettantism and murder. None of them will ever know that I’m a genuinely nice person who was brought up to be polite and forthcoming even with her own killers.

344

December 26, 2012

365/343

by ada

Drinking coffee and exchanging Christmas presents.

343

December 25, 2012

365/342

by ada

Christmas tram.

Fényvillamos

December 24, 2012

365/341

by ada

My favourite Christmas tree ornament.

341

 

December 23, 2012

365/340

by ada

Móricka, right after his first birthday cake.

340

December 22, 2012

365/339

by ada

The Cat, trying to steal some slightly burned Christmas cookies.

339

December 21, 2012

365/338+bonus

by ada

Christmas groceries shopping and the sun above the Danube.

338

338bonus

December 21, 2012

365/337

by ada

During the past three weeks I paused this project due to the sudden, very serious illness of my father. Neither did I have time for photography nor did I feel appropriate taking photos of my workday dinner plates while having so much other things to worry about. Now things seem to stabilize a bit and I’m sort of back in my regular life and to this project.

I planned to write about our infamous health care system and about how fragile and vulnerable you get at the moment you are put at the mercy of our health care professionals but really, it just has no sense at all. While it’s definitely not okay and makes me a very bad conscience, at this moment all I feel about Hungary is shame. I look at our politics, the way people interact each other, their mentality and its impact on everyday life and I feel shame for being Hungarian. And I look at the nurses in our hospitals, the lack of their professional knowledge, the way they communicate with patients and take care of them (or, actually the way they don’t take care of them), and I feel shame for being a nurse, I feel shame for ever having been part of this ridiculous game called Hungarian Health Care System.

I surely am pretty irritated right now and there surely are exceptions, of course. It’s just like I’d have lost the last of my illusions and the hope that things can ever get better in this country of corruption and desperation.

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December 1, 2012

365/336

by ada

A walk in the Altstadt with a coworker of mine.

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November 30, 2012

365/335

by ada

First Christmas cookies of the season, produced by some overly active patients of ours.

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November 29, 2012

365/334

by ada

Making Christmas ornaments for the ward with coworkers. Poor patients were already forced to bind Advent wreaths a few days earlier. Tomorrow we will bake Christmas cookies. I’m being continuously blackmailed every day to play Christmas songs on the recorder, accompanied by our social assistant playing the guitar (I’m still heroically resisting the pressure).

 

November 28, 2012

365/333

by ada

If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.

 

November 27, 2012

365/332

by ada

Emptying my pocket in the evening. Today I managed not to take home with me the a) master key b) thermometer c) duty phone d) schedule 1 narcotics; so I’m free to go to sleep in peace, and that’s exactly what I will do in five minutes.

November 26, 2012

365/331

by ada

Evening (well, afternoon) sky.

November 25, 2012

365/330

by ada

Socialising is no superhero skill of mine; it never was. Sometimes I do it rather fine, that means I laugh at the right moment and say yes or no adequate to the conversation; but today I felt that if I have to participate only one more minute longer in the breakfast discussion about the appropriate use of vaginal lubricants, the remaining five brain neurons of mine that survived both the depression and the workplace breakfasts of the last six months, will commit suicide together and I will end up in our own dementia ward very soon. I don’t really want to maintain long conversations about astrophysics*, postmodern literature*** or early Italian Baroque continuo rules****, but I got already somewhat tired of the topic of the detailed love life of my coworkers. Despise me if you dare.

* mostly because I have about zero knowledge of astrophysics**

** well, I read A Brief History of Time a few years ago but that’s really all I did for my better understanding of the Universe

*** there definitely were times when my readings couldn’t have been defined with the sole word: mysteries; but – alas! – those times are passed

**** I have a lot to say about early Italian Baroque continuo rules but I am also able to go quite happily without pushing the subject

November 24, 2012

365/329+bonus

by ada

I had free today, which meant that I spent my afternoon at the station teaching my coworker about how to use the nursing program on the computer. I’m definitely gifted with some teaching skills, more, at the university I was famous of being born to be a teacher but today I was just in no mood for spending one and a half hour with something I could accomplish in 30 minutes if doing it alone. I’m out of practice, I guess.

And some obligatory autumn leaves.

November 24, 2012

365/328

by ada

I had some official things to do today, so I managed to see the daylight on a working day. Don’t think I’m exaggerating: I leave for work in total darkness in the morning, spend the day inside and get home after thirteen hours also in total darkness. Quite deprimating, would I say, if I haven’t already fighting some depression issues, haha. May peace (and sunshine) prevail on Earth.

November 22, 2012

365/327

by ada

Back to Salzburg – night view from my garden door.

November 21, 2012

365/326

by ada

Buying cat food.

November 20, 2012

365/325

by ada

Budapest by night.

November 19, 2012

365/324

by ada

Móricka, posing as an abandoned child in a Romanian orphanage during the early 80’s. He definitely has the looks (and we definitely have the furniture).

November 18, 2012

365/323

by ada

A walk in Millennáris park.

November 17, 2012

365/322

by ada

That’s what awaits me when, after working thirteen hours, attending a fancy ball and travelling six hours with the night train, I finally arrive home.

Notice the claws and imagine how my knitted sweater looks like after such an attack.

November 16, 2012

365/321+bonus

by ada

The annual nursing ball.

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