Posts tagged ‘clinical depression’

October 10, 2012

P.S. to 284

by ada

Hey, I didn’t realise before posting that it’s World Mental Health Day today, dedicated to the theme of depression. Life is full of funny coincidences.

I met so many trolls and idiots during the past year who all claimed that clinical depression doesn’t exist or is only an imaginative excuse for people who want to live their life easier and without taking any responsibility, and we, who suffer from it just simply have a weak personality without any willpower (or, better, we are all egoists who don’t want to get better) (because we feel good being depressed) that I’m extremely thankful seeing that, outside in the big world, still do such people exist who own some common sense.

Thank you, WHO.

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October 10, 2012

365/284

by ada

I should look for a new workplace very soon. I’m aware of the fact that there is no such thing as a perfect workplace but it’s just not what I want, that’s quite clear. Too much pointless frustration to endure without any reward and too much unnecessary competition based on compensating inferiority complexes. I’m definitely not happy here.*

* well, it’s still my Depression Year, so it would be sort of strange to feel good, haha**

** I’m pausing with 5-HTP right now because I just forgot to order it for a long time and then got curious how long does it take to feel myself miserable again. I don’t know if it’s this, or the weather***, or the fact that my life goes in a direction I don’t really like (or I’m just unconsciously celebrating the one-year-anniversary of the outbreak of the depression that ruined my life), but I actually feel like shit lately.

*** I love autumn but it’s really dangerous for me. My brain gets foggy every year, parallel to the weather, haha

June 26, 2012

365/178

by ada

There are renovations going on at my workplace right now. Today they picked up the floor in front of the nurses’ room, so we couldn’t use the door for two hours and had to climb through the balcony up to the roofs to be able to contact the patients. Every day new adventures. Life is generous to me lately.

As a bonus a depression link, because I started taking 5-HTP a week ago and some results, like having fantastic reality dreams every night, are already showing. During my most terrible times I didn’t dream at all. Since I also couldn’t sleep at all for months despite of being totally exhausted, the lack of dreams was only secondary problem, haha.

Adventures in Depression

June 18, 2012

365/170

by ada

Meet my new phone. I switched my old one off in October last year, when depression moved in into my life, and lived almost nine months without having one. And it was good. I didn’t miss being connected to the people I was connected to before. I lived outside of time and society. I wasn’t happy, because if you are dealing with clinical depression, you are rarely happy (I’m putting it nicely. Actually, if you are dealing with clinical depression, you feel like a tiny bit of sh*t. Later on you don’t feel anything anymore. It’s even worse). But I learnt a lot through being depressed, even if it isn’t worth it. Feeling bad and watching helplessly as your life is being wrecked, is never worth it. But, well, at least I can proudly call myself The Person Who Lived Without A Phone For Nine Months. I’m quite unique with it, I guess, at least here in Europe. Even my mother has one :o)

I also didn’t open my real life email account since October. I still need some more time to be able to do it and face all the people and problems I left back or the ones that are still to come. Let’s hope next Christmas won’t pass without me reading my mails, haha.

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