Posts tagged ‘death’

November 7, 2016

make songs for death as you would sing to love

by ada

Kocsis Zoltán, 1952.05.30 – 2016.11.06

July 14, 2016

vale, vita brevis, iam non es mea vita

by ada

Esterházy Péter, 1950.04.14 – 2016.07.14

January 1, 2016

Liechtensteinisches Landesmuseum Vaduz – part 2

by ada

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August 12, 2015

Wien – Foltermuseum (Museum of Torture), the present

by ada

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May 9, 2014

Budapest – Nemzeti Sírkert (National Graveyard), part 2

by ada

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May 9, 2014

Budapest – Nemzeti Sírkert (National Graveyard), part 1

by ada

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May 1, 2014

you know how it is with an April day

by ada

Well, you sure know. They are short. Especially when they consist of 12 hours of work and 2 hours of public transportation. I do my best to use those commuting hours for literary purposes but I’m just an ordinary human being without any superpowers. My brain does not perform on a very high level at 5.45 am.

Starting the day at 5 am is definitely not the same as starting it at 6 am. This one short hour makes all the difference. I am now miserable 90% of the time and only daydreaming about quitting my job gives me any pleasure.* Sleep withdrawal is a very powerful tool of torture.

* I have this bad habit of quitting jobs very quickly if they make me feel unhappy**

** since I feel unhappy all the time, regardless of what’s going on in my life, it actually does not matter the least bit wether I quit my job or not. I guess the only solution would be to quit life itself. Fortunately (unfortunately?!) I have never been suicidal, not even during my worst times. I’m actually horribly afraid of dying. I guess it’s just a natural side effect of my job; eight years of watching people die, then dumping their bodies in plastic bags*** did not really help to manage my intrinsic depression but it really made me worship life regardless of its quality.

*** the daily chores of a nurse. Just in case you wanted to know what I’m actually doing during those 12 hours. An emotionally rewarding job, isn’t it?****

**** sorry for being sarcastic. I’m just not the crying kind.

Well. At least April was full of contained traces of Paasilinna whom I love deeply so I guess I’d better stop whining.

april books

January 24, 2014

Eni 1951-2013

by ada

Eni 2

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October 25, 2013

and death i think is no parenthesis

by ada

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August 16, 2013

there is no greater love

by ada
August 3, 2013

Salzburg – Sebastiansfriedhof

by ada

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March 29, 2013

music for Good Friday – Aria “Es ist vollbracht” from Passio Secundum Johannem, BWV 245 by Johann Sebastian Bach

by ada

Today’s music ist the aria Es ist vollbracht from the St. John’s Passion of Johann Sebastian Bach. It doesn’t need any comments.

P.S.: Find last year’s Good Friday post, Maria (sopra la Carpinese) here.

March 16, 2013

music of the week – Republic: 67-es út

by ada

This post is dedicated to Bódi László, also known as Cipő, the leader of the Hungarian band Republic, who recently passed away. And while I’m definitely no fan of any popular Hungarian band, his music represents that chaotic, emotionally troubled era after the revolution I was growing up in. It was his music we sung in summer camps, sitting by the campfire and feeling sad and free and heroical at the same time, as teenagers usually do.

(And here is another song of his I posted a while ago.)

March 13, 2013

and death shall have no dominion

by ada

kz dachau

kz dachau

March 7, 2013

Salzburg – Petersfriedhof, part 2

by ada

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March 7, 2013

Salzburg – Petersfriedhof, part 1

by ada

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November 2, 2012


by ada

Today is All Souls’ Day or, the Day of the Dead in Hungary, when we remember our dead loved ones with lighting candles for them.

September 15, 2012


by ada

If you work as a nurse you learn to separate your life and that of your patients. I have seen so many agonies and deaths already, that I can’t even remember all of them.

August 25, 2012


by ada

Well. That’s what having Latin lessons at school is good for: Hic locus est ubi mors gaudet, succurrere vitae. Picnicking with Móricka at the St. Peter cemetery.

July 13, 2012


by ada

After a very frustrating work day today I went down to the banks of the Salzach to free my brain from all things bad. I worked five years at the haematology ward of a university clinic in Hungary, so I know everything about being physically, psychically and mentally tired; I experienced how doing night shifts upsets your hormonal status, I know how burn-out feels and I observed years long how young people in my own age are dying a very painful and ugly death, so stress and frustration are old friends of mine. This is a new kind of uneasiness, though. I can deal with life and death quite nicely but I’m constantly failing at dealing with those small problems and traits that make human relationships so difficult.

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