Posts tagged ‘me’

January 6, 2015

the seasons of her year

by ada

I don’t want to talk a lot about 2014. Although I did achieve almost all the personal goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year, those 365 days were hard on me. I desperately tried my best to keep myself over the water by doing cheerful things like visiting cemeteries looking at dead butterflies swimming in thermal waters and going to a summer holiday but, unfortunately, sometimes the best just isn’t enough. Otherwise: while I can’t claim that I won over all the situations that came my way during the past year, I’m still here and functioning. We could even call this success, I suppose.

This year I’ll give myself a break and make no resolutions other than to take better care of myself, both mentally and physically. As of this blog, all my plans for 2014 will continue their career as 2015 resolutions, because – surprise, surprise – I did not complete any of them. I did not even try, mostly. I’d only add one more to that already quite exhausting list: to never, ever let myself fell three months behind with posting again. The justification for this blog is to document the right-here-and-now; the only purpose it serves is to help me love (or, in tougher times, survive) my daily life. I should keep that in mind even if I’m too busy, too tired or too sad to care about this place.

I took an unusual amount of self-portraits in 2014. I’d like to say that this post is the documentation of the magical journey of finding my inner self during this less than ideal year but, honestly, that journey did not happen and these pictures are more about the actual place, background and composition, than about me. I still like them, so here they are, telling the story of my 2014.

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me in Ipar 2

me in wien

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Xmas

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November 7, 2014

Slovenia – holiday selfies

by ada

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me in Piran 6 (2)

me in Koper 3 (2)

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me in Kranj 3

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me in Izola

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me in Ljubljana 2

December 31, 2013

the year is going, let him go

by ada

2013 wasn’t exactly a bad year for me but it wasn’t a good one either. It was like just milling around, one step forward two steps back while nothing really makes sense and nothing ever happens. I’m quite relieved that this year is finally over. Yay 2014!

In contrast to last year this time I have numerous New Year’s Resolutions. Most of them are private, that I won’t discuss here. My resolutions regarding this blog are to

  1. be more personal. At some point along my way through 2013 this blog stopped being my personal diary and became a travel blog or rather a backup place where I uploaded some of the halfway acceptable photos I took of buildings. Which is fine too, I guess, but becoming so neutral was never my intention.
  2. post less and select and sort out my photos more strictly. Sometimes I really envy those beautiful, artistic photo blogs with simple designs and meaningful pictures and I have to remind myself that the purpose of my blog is not to cause visual joy to anybody out there but to collect and save my memories. Crappy pictures for crappy memories. Haha.
  3. improve my photography. Because even if this place most likely will never evolve into a beautiful, artistic photo blog, I still want to learn how to make my indoor pictures less blurry.
  4. write more about music. I totally get that nobody likes my music posts but me, haha, but hey, it’s my blog where I do as I please. And I don’t want to completely forget the person I was before the depression. That nice and intelligent person that had opinions and knowledge and was talented and her life wasn’t centered around iv pumps and artificial hearts. Not that there is anything wrong with artificial hearts.

So let’s remember some of the nice and/or important things I did or that happened in 2013:

I started the year with fireworks in Salzburg.

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Milo was born shortly after that.

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Spring was beautiful (when it wasn’t raining).

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I visited 30 cities in 6 different countries during the year (I don’t count Salzburg and Budapest where I actually live and not just visit). My favourite places were rainy Venice…

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…and the beautiful synagogue of Třebíč.

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 I also paid a visit to the Dachau Concentration Camp.

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I hiked mountains…

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… got wet by waterfalls…

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…took boats to reach islands…

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…and cable cars to reach peaks.

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After a more than twenty years long hiatus I actually made two zoo visits this year. A trend I definitely want to continue.

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I became an expert in mountain cemetery art…

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…and in carillon mechanics.

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I celebrated the opening of the Salzburger Festspiele…

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…documented folk festivals…

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…and politically critical art exhibitions.

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I bought my first DSLR. Technically spoken, it’s an SLT, but honestly, for me the definition doesn’t make any difference. I am not entirely happy with it, maybe it’s the kit lens and its huge barrel distortion and poor focusing skills; but it’s nice to have control over my choices. Unfortunately, I don’t really have any control over anything yet, so a lot of blurry, over or underexposed, out of focus photos are to come till I learn how to handle it properly. Don’t be too hard on me if I post the sixty-fourth slightly washed-out picture of the same blurred flower or distorted building. I also try not to over-edit my photos in order to make them less painful but it’s hard, really hard.

I also let my hair cut, after wearing it long for about ten years. This decision didn’t make me more beautiful (I still haven’t found out what makes me more beautiful, haha) but man, does it feel good to have it short! On my Good Hair Days I look like Dora The Explorer. On my Bad Hair Days… Oh well. On my Bad Hair Days I look a lot like Pumuckl. I usually have Bad Hair Days (not that this makes any difference). (Also, you’re welcome for my precious self-portrait, displayed in the true manner of the Mysterious Blogger’s Awkward Bedroom Mirror Selfie. At least it isn’t a Common Restroom Mirror Selfie entitled “what I wore today”. And you really can’t claim that I’d overflow this blog with my own self-portraits).

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In 2013 I also quit my job (twice) and moved (twice). I see a certain pattern here, haha. I guess I’m addicted to this feeling of freedom that comes with quitting jobs.

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I left Salzburg…

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…and moved back to Budapest for a while.

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I started a course to specialize in Critical Care Nursing and Anaesthesiology, mostly because I missed using my brain and was so bored with the job they call nursing in Austria. Hungarian Health Care System has its (major? giant? monumental?) flaws but at least it isn’t boring for all that take actively part in it. Stressful? Yes. Boring? No.

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I also had some family time with relatives I haven’t seen in two years…

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…and went a bit heavy on Christmas markets to overcompensate last year’s complete lack of festive feelings.

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At the end of the year Móricka turned two. He celebrated with smashing his cake to the floor. Unintentionally, of course.

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So this was (the nicer part of) my 2013. Let’s move on, please?

July 28, 2013

as I walk these broad majestic days

by ada

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July 24, 2013

summertime and the living is easy

by ada

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July 7, 2013

summer begins to have the look

by ada

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June 21, 2013

the philanthropist and the happy cat

by ada

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June 6, 2013

never give all the heart

by ada

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May 25, 2013

Salzburg – Cafe Fürst

by ada

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original Mozartkugeln

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April 18, 2013

the science of sleep

by ada

sleeping Cat

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April 14, 2013

meanwhile Milo and The Cat

by ada

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March 31, 2013

March is the month of expectations…

by ada

… that never come true, haha. I thought my intellectual life couldn’t go worse, but well, it did. In March, I managed to finish exactly two books or, well, actually only one and a half, because one of them I started reading already in February. And no, I haven’t been watching movies either. Not a single one. What I actually did in my spare time, I don’t even remember. I was sleeping it through, I guess. I wonder if I will ever be “me” again or I’ll remain this strange creature of compromises and indifference who I became through the depression, forever.

Another depression post for the most joyful day of the year, yep.

March readings

March 27, 2013

Venice – day 2

by ada

acqua alta

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San Marco

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after the rain

love locks on Ponte dell' Accademia

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rainy Venice streets

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sunset in Venice

March 20, 2013

Venice – Lido beach at dusk

by ada

Lido beach

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March 17, 2013

Venice – day 1

by ada

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March 15, 2013

it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

by ada

I clearly wasn’t prepared for this snow. All I want to do now is to move to the Bahamas and start a brand new life. A life in which the words cold and snow don’t even bear any meaning.

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February 6, 2013

easy as life

by ada

And that’s the two of us. And no, I don’t wear surgical mask because I want to look mysterious and conspiratorial; I’m just fighting the flu right now and didn’t want to be responsible as Patient Zero for the outbreak of some deadly epidemic on the neonatal ward.

(photo courtesy of one of the midwives)

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February 5, 2013

a touch of zen

by ada

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January 22, 2013

my Salzburg neighbourhood – part 2

by ada

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January 11, 2013

the Prague memories – randoms, part 2

by ada

It’s my last backward post of Prague. Since the purpose of my now finished* and closed project 365 was to help me notice, how awesome my life is right now, I always tried to keep this blog as strictly real-time, as possible. I just had so many photos of Prague that reminded me of so many nice moments, that I didn’t want them to get lost in the dark depths of my hard disk.

* on day 248  348, ehem

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January 8, 2013

conversations with my coworkers – part 3

by ada

Scene: meeting for administrative education purposes (I don’t know how is it at your workplace but I spend more time with meetings, evaluations, charting, and counting narcotics than with patients).

coach (explaining how to interpret the small numbers written on the duty schedule): If you are assigned to work 165 hours but you actually work 167 hours, how many excess hours do you have?

coworker1: three!

coworker2: four!

coworker3: two and a half!

coworker4: zero!

coach: two. And if you are assigned to work 167 hours but you actually work only 165 hours, how many excess hours do you have?

coworker1+2+3: two!

coworker4: zero!

couch (with a hopeless sigh): negative two.

(I, the firstborn daughter of a mathematician father, the girl who spent her early childhood with reading books about the wonders of numbers, written by Soviet scientists for educational purposes; spent the two hours of the meeting wordless, dreaming about freedom and a nicer future.)

November 12, 2012

Prague – getting there

by ada

October 22, 2012

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by ada

Afterwork self-portrait.

October 9, 2012

our hearts are as red earth and pouring rain

by ada

September 26, 2012

365/270

by ada

The Cat, looking annoyed from being photographed.

August 5, 2012

365/218

by ada

I had free today so I took my bike, Rozi and rode down along the Salzach. I planned to visit the castle of Anif, but I got lost on the completely straight way with one turn (I never found that turn). So I did lots of fashionable mountain biking through the woods, much for the disapproval of poor Rozi, who has zero skills for such adventures (to be honest, her only skill is that she haven’t dropped into pieces yet, but I love her the way she is) (I’m blessed with the seldom gift of being able to love unconditionally).

June 22, 2012

365/174

by ada

I worked only short shift today so in the afternoon I visited the yearly book sale of the city library. That’s what I came home with.

June 20, 2012

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by ada

Part of me. Photo courtesy of our nursing student.

June 7, 2012

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by ada

An afternoon-biking along the Salzach.

May 17, 2012

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by ada

We started the day at the airport, to see my sister and Móricka off. And that’s the two of us (with two unknown ladies in the background). Photo courtesy of my sister.

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